Katie O'Donnell's Nachos

Taste	4	The chips are crisp, fresh and salty; the chili flavorful with the slightest hint of spice.  The only thing lacking is the cup of salsa served on the side -- it is, in a word, ungood.
Size	5	The menu says it's "HUGE" and it truly is.  HUGE.  Like, all-caps huge.  It also comes served as a mountain, which adds to it's visual appeal.
Toppings	4	Again, the salsa is terrible.  Otherwise, it's clear the toppings were planned to complement each other.  The jalapenos are fresh (as are the chunks of tomato), not pickled.  And the cheese is melted well and plentiful -- and it blends very well with the chili (also fresh, or seemingly so, which is good enough for me!).  The only problem is that the inner chips (the dish looks like a volcano of nachos, with the toppings having spilled out from the top and down its sides) are flat-out plain.  And to get to them, you need to eat all of the outer chips -- and all of the toppings along with them.
Ingenuity	4	Presentation is very creative.  Fresh toppings are a nice change.  The super-melted-real-cheese-goodness keeps this a patron's plate and not the chef's -- which is a difficult balance to strike.
IOD	5	You will hate yourself.  And be happy about it.
Overall Score	22 (out of 25)	A very sold dish!  If anyone has the sense to pour some of the toppings on the inner chips, and buy a decent pico de gallo, this nacho platter would be unstoppable!
Rated By	Mike
Location		4501 Woodhaven Road, Philadelphia (in the Franklin Mills parking lot)

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.

Buffalo Wild Wings

Taste	3	Definitely, totally okay!
Size	3	It was big enough to fill an individual well enough.  But, there was no bloat -- no painful-yet-awesome bloat!
Toppings	2	Chili, pico de gallo, shredded lettuce, jalapenos, queso sauce, with sides of salsa.  They were all good.  But, there just wasn't enough of them.
Ingenuity	3	Te queso sauce was definitely the best part -- and the lettuce was a nice balance.
IOD	3	See above.  The stuff about the bloat.
Overall Score	14 (out of 25)	Solid, splittable platter but there's not a lot to get geeked up over.
Rated By	Mike
Location		9701 E. Roosevelt Blvd, Philadelphia

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.

Green Parrot's Nachos

Taste	4	Everything blends well together and there's nothing to complain about.  Then again, nothing really stands out either.
Size	3	Decent.  Designed to be shared but would make a solid entree, as well.  And, if someone gets grabby, there's always your fork to fend them off.
Toppings	3	Chips, sour cream, guacamole, salsa, fresh chili, jalapenos, sharp cheddar cheese.  Standard, but a good mix of the standard.
Ingenuity	3	Not much to speak off -- but that's a good thing in this case.  The platter doesn't out-think itself, but it's also not overly inspired.  It's like a college essay written for a literature class by a business major:  professional, organized, filled with everything it should have, but it's the work of an artisan, not an artist.
IOD	3	They definitely fill you up, but they're quickly walk-offable.
Overall Score	16	These are the nachos all others should be measure against -- not because they're the best, but precisely because they are the average.  Let's hear it for standard!
Rated By	Mike
Location		240 N. Sycamore Street, Newtown

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.

TGI Friday's Nachos

Taste	2	Okay, so it should be a "1".  But, come on!  Refired beans, chips, and cheese -- even bad, they're still pretty good.
Size	1	Individual over-sized chips topped one-by-one.  How is this platter so meager?  Did we lose a war?!?
Toppings	1	Refried beans, seasoned ground beef, cheese, and jalapenos.  Dollops of salsa, sour cream and guacamole.  An disappointment.  It was definitely topped with disappointment.
Ingenuity	1	Well, unless you see it as ingenious to make an appetizer so weak that the entree must, by contrast, seem awesome -- wait, no.  even then, there's not much ingenuity here . . .
IOD	1	Not really.  I was only bloated with hate.
Overall Score	6 (out of 25)	Suckity, suckity, suck, suck, suck!
Rated By	Mike
Location		685 Middletown Blvd, Langhorne

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.

7-11's Nachos

Taste
Size
Toppings
Ingenuity
IOD
Overall Score
Rated By
Location

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.

Chickie and Pete's Cheesesteak Nachos

Taste	4	Not too shabby!  The cheese sauce seems fresh, and the dusting of "crab" powder plays well with it.  In fact, the mix of flavors -- salty-spice (chips/powder/peppers) and savory (cheese/olives/steak) -- go well together (when they all get together, that is -- see below).
Size	3	A good amount for two people to split if it's an app, but not nearly enough to sate your appetite if you want it as a meal.
Toppings	4	So, "cheesesteak" nachos sound like the nachos God would get if God were getting nachos (and, really, why wouldn't you get nachos everyday, if you were God?).  But, the devil is at work here!  Unlike chili, the shredded and chipped beef that -- well, "covers" would be an overstatement -- this platter loses its heat pretty quickly.  Add in the fact that all the toppings are added without the tray going into the oven to melt the cheese (it's a sauce), and the cosmic crime here is that, like His the humans he created, the toppings on God's would-be-nachos-of-choice never seem to blend together in unity.
Ingenuity	4	A good idea!
IOD	3	Once you get over the fact that you're drinking rich cheese, it goes away pretty quick.
Overall Score	18 (out of 25)	If you're there, definitely worth trying.
Rated By	Mike
Location		11000 Roosevelt Blvd (several locations, though)

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.

Return to Philadelphia Restaurants Page:
http://makenachosnotwar.angelfire.com/philadelphia.html

Triumph Brewery's Nachos (New Hope)

Taste	2	Onions in salsa = good.  Onions in fresh pico de gallo = great.  Diced, pungent onions scattered independently = awful.  The onions were like some really drunk, smelly guy, ruining the whole party for everyone else by throwing up them.  Terrible.
Size	3	Not that big.  Not small.  but definitely not big.  If you're getting it along with a few other apps, or splitting it with a date (who you obviously don't like because no one is making out with anyone after eating this oniony monstrosity), then it would work.  Poor choice for an entree, though.
Toppings	2	The menu boasts of the cheese sauce (it's a multi-cheese blend) but it's nothing to write home about.  Unless your home is a very bland town.  Like Meh-sville.  Yes.  that's it.  The cheese sauce should be the official cheese sauce of Meh-sville.  And, other than that, there only real excitement is the onions.  And that's b/c they suck.
Ingenuity	2	Over-thought.  Even the chips themselves are obnoxious.
IOD	2	The cheese sauce is quite rich, though, and it does leave you feeling all gooey on the inside.
Overall Score	11	Triumph makes good beer.  And good burgers.  You'd think ordering nachos would be a no-brainer.  But they are a-bit-of-a-let-down, at best -- and so disappointing that they make you want to punch your own mother in the face for forgetting to pick you up from a little league game when you were nine, at worst.
Rated By	Mike
Location		400 Union Square, New Hope

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.