Triumph Brewery's Nachos (New Hope)

Taste	2	Onions in salsa = good.  Onions in fresh pico de gallo = great.  Diced, pungent onions scattered independently = awful.  The onions were like some really drunk, smelly guy, ruining the whole party for everyone else by throwing up them.  Terrible.
Size	3	Not that big.  Not small.  but definitely not big.  If you're getting it along with a few other apps, or splitting it with a date (who you obviously don't like because no one is making out with anyone after eating this oniony monstrosity), then it would work.  Poor choice for an entree, though.
Toppings	2	The menu boasts of the cheese sauce (it's a multi-cheese blend) but it's nothing to write home about.  Unless your home is a very bland town.  Like Meh-sville.  Yes.  that's it.  The cheese sauce should be the official cheese sauce of Meh-sville.  And, other than that, there only real excitement is the onions.  And that's b/c they suck.
Ingenuity	2	Over-thought.  Even the chips themselves are obnoxious.
IOD	2	The cheese sauce is quite rich, though, and it does leave you feeling all gooey on the inside.
Overall Score	11	Triumph makes good beer.  And good burgers.  You'd think ordering nachos would be a no-brainer.  But they are a-bit-of-a-let-down, at best -- and so disappointing that they make you want to punch your own mother in the face for forgetting to pick you up from a little league game when you were nine, at worst.
Rated By	Mike
Location		400 Union Square, New Hope

The rating scale takes the following aspects of nacho platterification into account:

Taste

How does everything tie together?  Are toppings well distributed?  Did you cry – for joy or woe – at any point while eating?

Size

A good nacho platter can be shared with everyone feeling somewhat sated (or eaten alone in a scheme of hungover self-healing or in a fit of fatty shame).  How does this one stack up?

Toppings

Quality or crappy?  Fresh pico de gallo or jarred salsa?  Shredded cheese blend or Cheez Whiz?  Meaty chili or chunks of God-knows-what?  How about the chip-to-topping ratio?

Ingenuity

Was there anything unique about the platter?  Was it so blasé as to be simply blah?  Or was there something that made this plate stick out in the pantheon of nachos and earn the name “platter”?

Intensity of Disgust You Feel with Yourself Two Minutes After Finishing (or, IOD)

This is a good thing!  If you didn’t want to feel gross and stuffed and like Ernest Borgnine after a fish-fry bender, you would have ordered a salad!

Rating Scale:

1 – Awful.  Like coma patient on a feeding tube, not even strong enough to suck.

2 –  Weak.  Like it’s bringing less to the plate than the Phillies’ power hitters in the playoffs.

3 – Solid.  Like going to the prom with a friend – drama-free, but nothing special in the end.

4 – Good.  Like Michael Jackson:  incredible, but there’s that one bad thing you just can’t ignore.

5 – Excellent.  Like Christmas, and your birthday, and summer vacation all rolled into one.